Can't sleep

Wow. 1.33am and I need to be awake in 4 hours for an outreach. 5am exactly. Sigh. Papi's sleeping very nicely beside ( minus the snoring) I keep thinking about things like family, work, horror flicks, ecchi stuff ( yeah the big M doesn't work for me now ) boss coming in from her vacation leave tom. No comment on the dec cover proof yet.

I know worrying won't get me anywhere let alone sleep so I'm tiring myself out with typing on my iPod. Besides I haven't been posting in my blog as well. I'd check my emails too but it feels faster if I check it on my laptop. Sigh. Yawned already. And again. Eyes getting droopy. Too. Sigh.

I'm sort if glad papi's coming with me. More so for actually helping him get of the house and doing some physical work. I'm sure he's glad for something to do too. Talking about papi, I'm glad for his potential work soon and his website will soon be launched through his facebook :)

I'm real glad things are turning for the better for him this time around. Because for awhile I thought I was being such a burden for him. I love him so much because he's helping me get back on my feet. I only really feel safe when I am around him. And even if I know he's leaving to go to the states soon because of his parents I will cherish this time we have together. Every moment happy or sad or scary or bad he's always there for me holding my hand or teaching me lessons of life. That's just the way it is. And I'm very happy of what I have right now. Perhaps for now.

And as I wrap up my blogging from my iPod notes app ( cause my blogger app is acting up) I will close my eyes and hopefully snooze on to happier dreams.

Goodnight!

Awake

It's a quiet uneventful Saturday night/Sunday 12midnight. My boyfriends sleeping like a baby and I'm just drinking this peacefulness around us. It won't last. All this nice long weekends with him. He makes me feel safe and he is my only real home. I cling to him because he was there for me and understands me and comforts me when I'm really sad. And comfort him when I feel he's stressed out or when he needs strength. Holding in bed or hearing his heart beat while he sleeps makes me feel complete and that I don't need anything else in the world. To me he is my world. He I'd my dearest sanctuary. Every night I finish work, I can't wait to go home to him and kiss and cuddle him and make all my work worries go away. When I'm with him everything zooms in and life is simpler. I forget about the bills, deadlines, family drama... All I think about is how lucky I am to be held by a man who loves me. Despite everything. Loving me just the way I am. There is no past or future sometimes. Just the present feeling of his arms making me feel safe and loved.

Right now, I thank God for being kind to me so far. I am the luckiest woman despite every human mistake I have made in the past. I feel God has room for me in his heart to forgive and I am grateful for eveything I have. I pray I will cherish more moments with people I love like this in the future living simply only.

Understand

Trying my best to understand you. But everything I do is wrong for you. It makes me just want to stop and huddle in my side of the bed.

Fine after the pity tears and minute depressions I'll show you understanding. You're a jerk. And I know I don't hold up to your expectations. Letting you down isn't as bad as letting myself down. Because you're a jerk and you know I deserve someone better. Someone who can understand me more.

Ear infection

Must have came from a cold... Ear super hurts last night along with slight feverish feeling and a badheadache. Glad it's gonna be a long weekend on Friday. Resting my head (and ear) for an hour until I get ready for work at 12. Hope I feel a bit better today. Hopefully I can try to take it easy too.

New app

Downloaded this new app to use to blog via my touch :) can now further my addiction with blogging anytime!

Greeeeaaaaatttttttt!!!!!

new blog

well, i just posted my first ever blog post. this is certainly a big step for me. i havent had a blog for almost a year now... feels good. i wonder if i will have readers heheh...

well, for now, makes me feel glad to have one :) like a secret.

next step, revamping my site! hello fabulous pandemonium! (and whatta mouthful too!)

Happy birthday sis!

ived finally created a blog in commemoration of my sister's 16th birthday (woohooo! happy brthday!). because i can't greet you in the time being, this is to record that i did when you turned 16 and i wasnt there to typically greet you like i should as the older sister. I hope you get all your wishes today and pls dont drink toooo much. learn to accept responsibilities and think about not regretting what you do (like vomiting after drinking waaaayyy tooo much)

until i get enough courage and balance in my life, i document all my feelings here in this blog. perhaps by the time i send you the link and you and maybe your kuyas and ate read the rest of my journey via blog i'll be more at peace with myself where ever i will be globally.

well, currently, i just had a hopefully healthy meal with the girls at work (i ate white cheddar popcorn with chicken sandwich!) have a medium pile of work to do and good music in my ear to seriously focus on getting it done.